Nervous City Dwellers Demand Ban on Easter Egg Hunting
A group of very nervous Melbourne based urban dwellers has called upon the government to ban this year’s Easter Egg hunt.
Coalition Against Egg Hunting, chairman Lorry Squeegee, has called upon all Melbournians living in the inner city to lobby their local member of parliament to have the Easter egg hunting banned.
Mr Squeegee said the hunting of eggs is a leftover obsession from the 1950’s imported into Australia by pagans and retailers and has no place in the 21st century.
“Children provided with dangerous toys, including stuffed rabbits and bears, are being armed with oversized baskets and sent into our pristine urban landscape to kill defenceless Easter Eggs,” said Mr Squeegee.
“Injured eggs are being eaten immediately. Others are being held captive for days just for the enjoyment of children,” he said “and the noise these juvenile hunters make is mind-boggling.”
Mothers in the inner city suburbs have thrown their support behind Mr Squeegee’s comments. In Burke Street one mother who refuses to be named or photographed said it was disgraceful that we should be teaching children that food could be found in gardens and other outdoor areas.
“Children should be taught the true meaning of Easter - Hot Cross Buns!, she said.”
“We should not be teaching our children that animals are a source of food or that people hunt for things to eat,” she cried.
“And as for eating chocolate bunnies and bilbies, our children will all grow up to be gun toting rednecks who believe the meat in their McDonalds burger was once alive!,” she said.
Mr Squeegee has announced plans to dump thousands of dead and injured Easter eggs and Easter bilbies on the steps of parliament house as a protest.
“We have rescued thousands of eggs that have had their silver foil covers scratched and torn by irresponsible children,” said Mr Squeegee.
“Admittedly we have had to shoulder some children out of the way in their own back yards to retrieve the eggs but all is fair in the fight to save our egg friends.”
This year egg rescue activist will be on hand to treat any injured eggs we find and return them to the fridge after suitable rehabilitation. Any eggs deemed beyond help will be quickly dispatched for our parliament house protest and then dumped in the nearest bin.
“No hunted eggs will be eaten by our protesters said Mr Squeegee.”
Mr Squeegee also called upon the State Government to better monitor the numbers of Easter Eggs in our environment before allowing an Easter Egg Hunting Season. “
A big fan of the natural cage bred egg industry, Mr Squeegee accused retailers of importing millions of endangered egg species to support a short lived season of unconscionable profit taking.
“Shortly after Easter there are no eggs to be found, proving that the Australian native Easter Egg is being hunted to extinction,” said Mr Squeegee.
Peter Rice
23 March 2009
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